I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
