oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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