Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
