Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
