So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
