i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
