I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
