I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
