I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
