i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
