I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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