worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize