Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
