He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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