I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
