I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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