I'm gonna have a badass scar
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
