Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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