Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
