I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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