Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you would pick up someone in the library
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
