Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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