And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
