As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had sex on a roof
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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