Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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