I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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