I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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