Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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