I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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