My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sick fucks of a feather flock together
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
