Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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