how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
