i think my mom watched the whole time
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
