Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
