tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
