dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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