Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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