he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
