Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
