Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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