Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
