So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
