Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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