I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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