All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
