I am spending my child support on dildos
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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