From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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