When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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