remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
