I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The uberlube is also flammable
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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