the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
