I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
