Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
