Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
