Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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