Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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