Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
