Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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