Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
