I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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