I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
