My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
