I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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