did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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