i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
