He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
