do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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