His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
