Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
