Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
