mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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