1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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